Thanksgiving is upon us, and how often do we all truly stop and give thanks for all that we have, sometimes whether we know it or not. Here are a few examples, with tongue held firmly in cheek:

First, here was a time when you had to read a map or ask for directions when you were driving or walking somewhere you’d never been before and weren’t quite sure where you were going. Men notoriously hated to ask for directions, and would often get lost or go in circles, from what we hear. Now, all you need do is enter the destination into that map app on your phone, and no worries. In fact, Apple or Google, depending on your map of choice, often knows precisely where you’re heading, even before you’ve finished inputting the information. Wouldn’t you be lost without them?

Google knows better than you. The Wall Street Journal reported on How Google Interferes With Its Search Algorithms and Changes Your Results and let’s be honest: Google has been tracking you for so long now that the company no doubt knows you better than you know yourself. Or at least, knows what’s best for you, so may gently sway you in that direction… Say amen, somebody.

Yes, Facebook is watching you through your phone and computer cameras without your permission. While Target News reported that “Mark Zuckerberg is hilariously blaming a “bug” for secretly provisioning his Facebook platform to record users’ faces from their smartphone and laptop cameras, without their permission, every time they browse the social media site,” come on, look at all those Kodak moments you might have missed had Facebook not been there to record them. And by the way, “every Apple “upgrade” these days is just another bug-ridden scam to further erode users’ privacy protections,” TN also reported. Bug, feature, tomato, tomahto, who controls the access after all, thank you very much!

It seems that there was a Furious backlash after it emerges that Google has secretly amassed healthcare data on millions of people – without their consent, mind you, the Daily Mail reported. “Names, dates of birth, and hospital records of millions of patients were collected.” Said The Wall Street Journal, “Deal with Ascension health system aimed at improving patient care provides Google with health-data gold mine.” This should come as no surprise considering that, back in October, CNBC reported that Former Google CEO Eric Schmidt believes biology is the next frontier in computing. Let’s not get our panties in a twist. Think about it: Yours Truly now has full-blown Lyme Disease. Despite the fact that we caught it early and received treatment immediately, a NYC-based doctor prescribed the wrong form of the antibiotic at half the dosage and less than half the amount of time required to kill the spirochetes. Between Google having health info, and Facebook and Apple listening and watching, in our case, if tech had intervened, we’d be Lyme Disease-free, as we speak. A further suggestion: an Alexa in every doctor’s office. Doctors don’t always listen to their patients. Alexa hears every word. And we can certainly trust Amazon to honor doctor-patient confidentiality, right? Uh-huh. And thanks for playing.

We’ll leave you with our mother’s cooking method for a fool-proof, perfectly juicy turkey every time: put the turkey in the oven breast side down for the first half of the cooking process, then flip the bird and finish it breast side up. Trust us.

Enjoy your turkey day and thank you for indulging us. This holiday just seemed the perfect opportunity for us to simultaneously give thanks, even as we cry fowl (sic).

Onward and forward.